I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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