I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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