She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
