just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
