Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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