Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
