Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
