she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
