i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
