Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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