im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
