Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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