other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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