I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
