I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
