So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize