today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
