It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
