How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
