the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize