We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
