I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
