Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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