I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
