You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's the barista slut.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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