I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
