So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
