Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
