i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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