if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
