first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
