im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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