I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
