Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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