it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
