'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
