Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
