Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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