Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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