The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The power of my boobs compel you
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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