you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
