My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
