Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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