he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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