Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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