I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
