don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
