worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
