I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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