I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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