He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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