I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
party gras won. party gras always wins.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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