I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
