I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
