Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize