u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
