and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
