I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
