At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize