I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
