Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
