My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
