You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How's work?
Spinning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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