The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Randomize
