I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
