just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
