Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I intend to get homeless drunk
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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