Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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