What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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