your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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