I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
