so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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