if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
