WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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